Chapter Four: Why do you say eating enough is the best revenge?
There are two parts to this question; the anger behind the need for vengeance and the best strategy to eek out revenge. Anger...Hmmm? Does this make any sense to you? Revenge is pretty harsh on the continuum of rebellion. You may be wondering if you’re even mad enough for rebellion let alone vengeance. The other question that might arise is why we would equate eating enough with living well. Well let us try to address both these issues.
First of all, rebellion is quite natural. Haven’t you, like all of us, grabbed the fourth cookie after being told, “No? ” You may not have even wanted the fourth cookie. But your anger over the power imbalance made you do it anyway. And yet, this didn’t even serve you, with your stomach bulging and feeling slightly nauseated?
In our experience, parents who were especially bent on making their children eat less unwittingly caused their children to eat more. Children of parents who diet are especially susceptible to this type of overeating. How many times have you seen a slender, very fit soccer mom driving her pudgy 12-year-old all over town, first to ballet, then to soccer, and then to rock climbing. If this was your experience besides falling into bed exhausted every night, you probably ended up overeating for a couple of rea-sons. One, you could not trust an adequate food supply. And two, you were rebelling against the injus-tice of it all. Your mom was not supposed to keep you from delightful treats, or even sufficiently big enough meals to fuel your extreme sports. She was supposed to supply you with nourishment. So that even though she may have had good intentions, your creature body was pretty wigged out.
Sadly though, being wigged out by a caregiver turned prison guard, does not compare to the bru-tal sadness of not getting your needs met. If you are a truly rebellious eater, you are probably mad at your mom or both parents for more than just sending you to a “fat camp”. You may be mad at your parents for something much more devastating and yet ubiquitous. You may feel a deep anguish because they may not have had your best interests at heart. This is very painful. Even if they did their best it doesn’t alter your reality. You needed someone to really see and meet your needs because you were completely helpless, and our guess is that this didn’t happen. Whether you are aware of it or not, you may be harboring a burning resentment and you are communicating this resentment by the way you eat.
Whether you mean to or not, every time you reach for that fourth cookie after dinner you may be sticking your tongue out at your mom. And yet the real damage you are doing is to yourself. What is the better strategy? As we said in the body of the question, “eating enough is the best re-venge”. I’m sure you recognize the words “best revenge” as part of the famous adage “living well is the best revenge” So why would eating enough would be better than overeating or undereating? Because eating enough is magical. Eating enough is the essence of living well. Eating enough means that you will eat exactly what your body needs. As we have said many times before “Eating enough means eating a perfect amount”, eating exactly what your body needs, no more no less, a perfect weight, a perfect you. This strategy is also sustainable because you are letting your body decide how much you need to eat. Perfect and sustainable; the essence of living well.
This is a very primal way powerless children can get back at their caretakers. Self sabotage is the strategy of a four year old, we have all felt it at one time or another and you as a rebellious eater, use food to complete this self sabotage attack. So whether you eat too much or too little, the key here is self sabotage and you are hurting yourself.
Your parents were not supposed to keep you from delightful treats, they were supposed to supply you with nourishment. A little bit of rebellion against that is natural even if you believe that they did it for your own good. Sadly though, if you are a truly rebellious eater, you may be mad at your parents for more than just catching you with your hand in the cookie jar. You may be mad at your parents for not having your best interests at heart. That is very painful. Even if they did their best it doesn’t alter reality. You needed someone to care for you as you were completely helpless, and our guess is that this didn’t happen. Whether you are aware of it or not, you may be harboring a burning resentment and you are communicating this resentment by the way you eat.
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